It’s hard to believe in just a few weeks this guy will be three. To sound like a broken record, where did the time go? I’ve been having so much fun with him and he’s continued to develop into the funniest personality. These are some of my favorites sayings lately…..
Dear Riley Bean,
First, the name Bean. I feel like I’ve documented this before but just in case let’s review. When I was pregnant with you, you were nonstop in my stomach. Always moving. So I called you my little jumping bean. Since then, that’s your nickname and the fact Carter calls you it is just the sweetest ever. Recently we added gordita to the end because you have the most delicious thighs ever. Bean Gordita. It’s perfect.
The other night I was out with a girlfriend and she first asked me how I was doing with you turning one. Truthfully, I’m kind of an emotional mess. Since you’ve been in our lives it’s been pretty crazy especially on the work front as I took on a lot right around the same time. I honestly feel like it was a blur and I was just holding you in my arms for the first time. With that, I feel the mom guilt with you is so easy and I’m sure it grows with a second. We didn’t do My Gym, didn’t do a baby and me, didn’t get our daily nap time…the list goes on. I feel this pang of sadness knowing your our last baby and I just want to stop time so I can truly savor every second of you. But know just because we didn’t do it doesn’t mean I love you any less!
With that, came the next question she had, which was how has it been with you the past year. To be honest, and my eyes will start to water again, I replied that I don’t know if I deserved you. I really don’t. I was terrified to have another child, yet even more so when I found out a girl. A girl? What am I going to do? (We’ll have a good laugh over some stories when you get older…definitely with a cocktail in hand!) But you Bean, you’ve taken me off guard in a way that I never expected. You completed me. You completed our family. You are right where you belong. As a second child you have been more than I could ever ask for. The happiness that exudes from you is infectious, even at 6am when I’m not a morning person. You are filled with so much love and have been the biggest breath of fresh air.
This past year you have helped me grow. You’ve taught me things about myself that I didn’t know. You’ve shown me a deeper love I was so afraid could ever exist. You Bean, you are my everything.
It’s bitter sweet as you turn one and I watch you go from my little baby into a toddler. You’re literally chasing your brother now and can tackle him pretty quickly. My money is on you girl! You’re saying a few words- Mama, Dada, Dog Dog, Hi, Baba. You know, the usual. You have the world’s best laugh and smile. My goodness it warms my heart. You’re obsessed with all things water like your bath and going in the pool. Girl, you can eat. It’s impressive! Your dogs make you squeal with excitement. You love the boys in your life–Carter and dad– and one day you will understand how much they love you. Carter loves to tickle you and I catch him giving you forehead kisses when no one is looking. He also pushes you when you take his toy when he thinks no one is looking. You have your dad wrapped around your finger. (We will be working together on this one) And I’m happy to say you are a mommy’s girl. If I’m in the room we are glued and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m so looking forward to the next year of milestones and firsts, particularly when you start talking. We’re so anxious to hear what your sweet little voice sounds like. You have some super cute outfits for spring and summer I can’t wait to see you in. Oh and you’re starting swim lessons so obviously I’m going to have fun getting you the cutest swimsuits ever. We’re going to have fun exploring the farm, going to the beach and making some many beautiful memories now that you’re here with us.
Words will never be able to express what you mean to me and how much I love you.
So, my little Bean, Happy 1st Birthday.
Love you to the moon and back.
I lost 67 pounds and 15% body fat this past year. This is my story.
I’ve wanted to share my story of “getting my body back” for a while, as I have had a few people ask me “my secret”, so at my daughter’s 1 year anniversary I thought, ‘why not?’ My journey begins about 10 years ago when I left my college in New York due to some eating disorder issues. As an dancer and then basketball player, I openly have struggled with eating issues in the past. (Here is where most people ask what kind?) Ok, so depending the week I didn’t eat or I would eat a lot and purge. I’m not proud of this by any means, and am thankful that my husband when we first met helped me tremendously with my issues. If you have more questions privately or need a friend to reach out to, please contact me! So suffice to say, dealing with weight and my body has always been apart of me.
Well enter in being pregnant. Woah, just a cruel trick on the body of gaining weight in all the wrong places and have no control to say no to a warm butter cake with ice cream in bed. If you’ve followed any of my journey, my pregnancies were a nightmare. Ironically, and I feel this was karma’s funny little joke on me, I threw up the majority of both pregnancies. Fun right? Being six feet tall I was able to hide a lot of my weight. When I got pregnant with Carter I was 165 pounds and in pretty decent shape physically. To be honest though, mentally I was still struggling with body image and had a really hard time with “getting fat”. Clearly I let that go a little bit because I packed on a few with Carter. If you ask me the number I don’t remember but it was a lot.
After Carter, we knew we would be wanting to try to have another child in a pretty close timeline. My motto was “be fat and out of shape once.” Though not the healthy option, I didn’t want to put the work in to only blow up again if we got pregnant. So enjoy myself I continued to do. Ice cream after every meal, fast food and sprinklings of workouts. Again, luckily I am tall and a lot of me weight evened out. When I finally got pregnant with Riley, I was weighing 175 pounds. I was heavier than I wanted to be going in but again I had this mindset that it was ok because I would eventually get my body back. So as much as I could keep things down, I enjoyed being pregnant for the final time. How much did I enjoy? Well by the time I left the hospital with Riley and she popped out I was 220 pounds. Guys, what was I with her in me?! Crazy, just crazy to think that!
I gave myself a few months not to stress over weight and adjust to life with two children and balancing work. I worked on eating cleaner, started working out right away and wanted to start feeling myself again. On June 1, 2015 I decided to have a healthy lifestyle. Sure I knew from my past how to lose weight easy, but it wasn’t the right and healthy with. With two young children I want to be an example and have an attainable lifestyle. Still have fun and indulge, but create a new way of living that’s better for me in the long run. So I stepped on the scale, got my body fat measured and unfortunately had before body pictures taken. Talk about motivated when that Twinkie is calling your name. Right? And what were my numbers…I know you’re wondering. I weight 198 pounds and had 38% body fat. Guys, these are real numbers here!
For the first time ever I consulted a nutritionist we have a lot of our clients work with. Through all my online research, US magazine reading and you know “expertise”, I was determined that I was going to be on a no-card, lean protein, you’re going to be board for life diet. Shocked I tell ya when he gave me my plan! So much food! My breakfast was 3 egg-white omelette with cheese, 2 pieces of toast and fruit. Lunch and dinner EACH consisted of pasta, rice or carbs. I actually struggled with it at first because I didn’t believe that this would work. Again, I had so much online schooling in this. But believe or not, the weight started coming off. And quick! From June 1 – August 1 I gave myself a strict no sweets and no alcohol diet. This was hard, very hard, especially with holidays and 3 weddings back to back weekends. But I needed to do it! Now, believe me things have changed and I have my drinks and sweets. My nutrionist has built them into my program, because we are all about an attainable lifestyle.
I kept a strict food log and kept in contact with him so he could track my progress. I started to make little changes each week. For example, I cut out all diet soda which was huge for me. I also transitioned to mainly coconut milk. (for the past month I have been dairy free for stomach reasons and it’s been great!) My original goal weight was 175 pounds because that seemed hard. Well, shockingly I hit that mark on August 1, right before we went on a trip. That’s right, 23 pounds in two months, but more importantly my body fat jumped down to 32%. Not perfect but progress. Over the next few months I continued to drop and I finally hit 160 at the beginning of December. Our gym did a fitness challenge in November and through that I drop my body fat down to 28% and felt stronger than I ever have.
The past few months I have stayed steady at my weight, but the best part is how I feel. I feel clean. I feel great. I feel healthy. And I feel bad for our credit card as I got rid of 10…10!!!…giant trash bags full of clothes that I was swimming in. I’m wearing size 29 jeans (sometimes a little big) that I haven’t worn since high school. I laugh that I can fit into things again and all it took was a change of perspective. Slowly small steps made a big difference. NEVER would I have thought I could be back to wear I am today. And where is that? As of this morning, I weighed in at 153 pounds and 23% body fat. Exactly one year after having my second child. My goal the next few months is to now tone and build a little more strength. The scale may go up but I know it’s ok because muscle weighs more than fat and it’s all about how my clothes fit.
I’m sharing my journey to let you know you are not alone. We all have issues with our bodies. I’m proof that you can get there pretty quickly, you just have to be consistent, patient and dedicated to your goals. My OCD personality helps in this arena. If you need help, have questions or want to know more specifics feel free to reach out!! I comes down to how important is it to you? How good do you want to feel? Yes, it will be hard at time. Yes, there will be some sacrifices. Yes, you are busy. I know. I have 2 small kids and run a business. Where do you find the time? You get up a little earlier, or ask a friend to help watch your kids. There are ways to do it and TRUST ME you can !!