With just a few weeks left until little man’s first birthday, guess what? We did it! It’s almost been a year and our child is alive. He’s happy. He’s healthy. He’s simply amazing!

Going through this exciting journey is scary enough, but to go through it with the most amazing partner has made it something that’s so hard to describe. From the moment Carter was born I’ve been so lucky to have a hands-on partner ready to give this child so much love. I didn’t change one diaper in the hospital, I had help during those nights that seemed endless in the beginning, I have been able to take showers, but most importantly I still have my best friend. Becoming parents together is hard. You have different opinions, you might be a little tired and sometimes it’s hard to find time for each other while giving all your love to this new gift that has come into your lives. Sure we have had our arguments but this past year has brought us closer together in ways I didn’t think possible (not just talking delivery room).

To see my child so enamored with his father is truly the greatest gift:

To hear laughter from down the hall with the two of them together.

To find them fast asleep for an afternoon nap in bed.

To watch them eating spaghetti and ravioli.

To seeing them splash and blow bubbles in the pool.

To listen to them crawling down the hallway.

To enjoy seeing them in jerseys on game take taking in some football.

To love those moments when they’re together and time seems to stand still.

Is there a greater gift? These two men in my life are my biggest and littlest loves. To think of a day without them or when they weren’t in my life is something so hard to fathom. Each day has been such an amazing blessing even when filled with being peed on, a couple hours of sleep or avocado thrown in the face. It’s been an adventure, a wild and crazy one, that’s made me cherish the time my husband and I have together. Those nights we stay in and have a glass of wine while catching up on our favorite show, or going out to dinner and eating warm food at the same time. I’ve come to appreciate “us” time more and value the friendship and relationship we have.

With that and in celebration of our child being alive we’re headed off for a few days of mommy and daddy time: Drinks without having to ‘rock-paper-scissors’ over being the designated driver, sleeping in past 7am (if we can), not changing diapers, nowhere to go or nowhere to be and un-interrupted meals. Cheers Ry, we did it!

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Just what you want, more advice huh? Everyone from your mother to the old woman in the grocery store will be dishing out advice from the moment you have a little bump showing. There’s no way to stop the comments from coming, so smile and nod, then decide what you want to take in. In general I’m going to be honest and say that adjusting to life as a mom really wasn’t that hard. Of course there are sleepless nights, and of times you will just start crying (holy hormones), but this is all to be expected. For me, the maternal instinct kicked in and I have felt pretty natural with everything.

Going through my pregnancy I felt people try to scare you with comments like “You’re life is over” or “You’ll never sleep again.” You know? Seems there’s often a lot of negativity in the air. Oh, and the horror stories of deliveries everyone will tell you about. Did you read about mine? It was one of the most amazing and wonderful experiences I have ever been through. Yep, that’s right, it was awesome!

I think I had a couple things that I really tried to stand by to help me with our adjustment. The first a tip my dad gave me was to have Carter adjust to my life, not the other way around. So following his words we went for brunch and mimosas the day after we came home from the hospital. My husband thought I was crazy and I’m sure his great grandma thought he would get the SARS virus by being out of the house, but guess what? It was great, he slept and this momma was a happy camper with a little bit of bubbly. The second piece was learning to not be in control the whole time. As someone who has OCD and struggles with letting go, this was a little harder for me. It was ok that I went to get my nails done or I went to yoga the first week he was born. I love every moment with him, but I needed my time too, not to mention time alone with my husband. This also comes in handy when you are planning on doing something and it just doesn’t happen for whatever reason.  These two things were my life savers to sanity of being a new mom, but I thought I would share a few more tips.

Remember, this is what worked for ME, and you might not agree. That’s totally fine!!!

• Trust your mom intuition- This is a crazy thing that really does kick in once you have a child. You get this feeling that you can’t explain, but you just know that you’re right. Fellow mamas, you know what I mean? You quickly figure out that works for your friend’s kid may not work for yours, or what your mom did with you 20 plus years ago just doesn’t cut it. Trust the feeling. 
• Your child can sleep on their stomach- Everyone and their mother is going to tell you no to this. My child from day one did, and guess what? He’s alive. Should I tell you we did bumpers too while I am at it? Trust what you know works for you and do it.
• Swaddling isn’t for everyone- Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle. It’s all you hear about for 10 months of pregnancy. It’s the first thing you learn after changing a diaper in recovery. Some kids love it. Mine? Not so much. It’s fine, don’t force yourself to do what “the book” says.
• Get out and exercise- Consult your doctor first, but mine was all for getting out. We went on walks right away and I was back to yoga with Carter a week later. Cannot tell you the wonders this did for my body to get out and move, plus helped me start to feel like me again.
• You don’t have to sleep when they sleep- Yep, I said it. I rarely napped when Carter did. Why? Because I had work, laundry and a life to maintain. Ya I was tired and had a little less sleep, but I survived.
• Memory- If you don’t have a lot of storage on your phone and computer, buy it now. You might scare yourself with how many pictures you take. Don’t have a full storage that moment you want to video your child rolling over for the first time.
• Don’t compare to other kids- Every child is different. You will go insane if you start comparing right away. Even now, there’s things Carter isn’t doing compared to friends and things he’s excelling at. It will be like this for life. Don’t get trapped in the crazy.
• Set a date night within the first two weeks- My husband’s aunt showed up to the door one night about a week after Carter was born and said go out. We couldn’t come home for 2 hours because she wanted to do bath time. It was amazing and I am forever grateful to her for kicking us out, literally. You need that time to connect because a strong relationship makes the journey so much easier.
• You don’t have to breastfeed- There are crazy boob people out there. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t do it. No one tells you it’s the most un-nautural natural thing we do as women. It’s hard. It’s time consuming. It’s painful. It’s a bitch, let’s be real. So do what works for you. There are millions of formula-only babies and they’re just fine. Don’t live your life by the boob.
• Make new mom friends- I joined a mommy and me and have some amazing new life-long friends from it. We went through it together and can understand each other’s struggles. They’re the people you text at 2am for a feeding or to say you got spit up on while in a freshly dry-cleaned silk blouse. They were and are my lifeline to feeling normal.
• Document- I was given a great journal to help me write down one memory a day and it’s the best thing I was given. It goes fast, all the people that told you that are right, and you’ll be glad you wrote down memories. There are also great apps for a photo or one second video a day.
• Nothing lasts forever- Another dadism I have grown up with. It’s true. It may be hard to think of it in the moment but try because what may seem like eternity will be over soon. That includes crying….
• Learn to say “no”- Now is not the time to be the people pleaser. It’s the time to take care of you and your family.
• Get rid of the cape- Take the Superwoman cape off and don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s ok. We’ve all been there and you will be there for a future friend or family member. No need to explain. Just do it.
• Share milestones- However small and silly it is, share however much you want to the world all the exciting things happening. You will say “cutest thing ever”, “it’s the best when…”, etc about 15 times a day and that’s ok. Babies take such joy in the little things, shouldn’t we?
• It’s gross- Being a mom is gross. Your boobs will be leaking in the middle of the grocery store, you’ll have spit up on you and you might have not washed your hair in a few days. Smile and hold your head high because anyone who’s a parent knows what you’re going through.
• Get in pictures- So what if you’re in your preggo jeans until they’re 2? Or you have big bags under your eyes? Take pictures of your little one with you in the picture. You may not love the concept now, but years later you’ll wish you had them.
• Mascara- When all else fails and your even staying at home put on a dabble of mascara and spritz of perfume. Getting dressed helped me with my confidence even if I was staying home. Find little things to make you feel like yourself.
• Get out- Goal to leave the house once a day. Whether a walk, going to the store or having lunch with a friend, take the baby and go. They’ll adjust and my little man is so great being on the go now.
• Laugh- When all else fails remember to laugh, whether it’s when your son pees on you or you put on two different shoes because your tired. The moments pass by so quickly and there’s times I wish I learned sooner to just relish in the moment rather than stress about what was happening. I’ve learned it now and it makes life so much easier to laugh (ex: when your child has a massive breakdown at Costco and is rolling on the floor).

Whew, take it all in? I’m sure I could ramble off so many more things but I think this is good for the first year. Who knows what else I am going to learn as I head into year two.

xx

Em

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When Carter was born we were blessed with so much love from family and friends. We had visitors galore, more cupcakes than I knew what to do with (obvi I ate them) and home cooked meals for a few weeks as we adjusted to our new lifestyle. The outpouring of kindness was more than we could have ever asked for. The other night I was thinking about some of my favorite things that would make a wonderful gift for a new mom, so I decided to throw some out there for ya in case you know anyone expecting soon. One tip if I may? Give the new family space and don’t be the lingering guest. Come in and say hi, maybe hold the new bundle for a minute, but then get out and don’t take it personal. The new family is adjusting and need their own time plus rest, not the feeling that they have to entertain visitors. Just some food for thought

1. A Massage: Things can be a little hectic during the first weeks with a little one, not to mention mom’s body has been through the ringer between pregnancy and birth. A hour of relaxation and “mom-time” while working out the knots is sure to be a crowd pleaser.
2. Coupon For Babysitting: Going to the store, getting her nails done and picking up dry cleaning can be a little challenging at first for a new mom. Get crafty and make her a little coupon book for a couple sessions of babysitting. This will allow mom to have a little “her” time as well.
3. Meal Delivery Service: The worst thing a new mom needs is people hovering around during the first couple weeks. She’s exhausted and the last thing she wants to do is entertain. Many cities offer local meal delivery services or call her favorite Chinese restaurant to be delivered.
4. Exercise Coupon on Deal Site: You know your inbox is flooded every morning with a new Groupon or Living Social for that trendy workout classes. Mom will want to be motivated to get in shape. Find a fun package and go together, your treat.
5. Beauty Box Subscription: You’ve heard how hard it is to take a shower when you’re a new mom, right? Imagine putting makeup on! Monthly beauty box sample subscriptions have become quite the trend. Pamper mom with a little monthly surprise of sampling perfume, lip gloss and hair masks. Check out Birchbox, Goodebox and Target Beauty Box. It’s such an exciting treat!
6. Books: Help mom start some new memories with her little one and put together a few classic children’s books for her to have. Make sure to include ‘I’ll Love You Forever’ and ‘The Night You Were Born.’ Warning, provide a box of tissues as well due to raging hormones.
7. Netflix Subscription: Long nights of feedings can get a little monotonous and often reading books propels the heavy eye. Help mom stay awake with a subscription to catch up on all her favorite shows and movies. This was a lifesaver!
8. Magazine Basket: It can feel as though you forget about what’s going on in the world once you have a baby. Make sure mom keeps up with the latest gossip, fashion trends and of course casserole recipes with an assortment basket of magazines.
9. A Journal: Just like a wedding, birth and the first few months feel like a complete whirlwind. Did you really just go through that? A daily journal for mom to write little memories in is the perfect gift. Months later she’ll look back and love reading the first days her life was changed. Here’s a great one to buy.
10. Home Date Night: Mom may not be comfortable to leave the baby quite yet, but it’s important for her to have time with her partner. Offer to bring in dinner, a movie and some wine! Allow her to enjoy an evening “off” knowing if anything goes wrong you’re right in the other room.

Do you have any favorite gifts you got as a new mom? Share!! 

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