Pregnancy….My Honest Thoughts

Jan 3rd

 

(My 6 month bump, tired pup and messy room. It’s clean now. Maybe….)

 

I still cannot believe that we’ve arrived to 6 months! 24 weeks. 168 days. Only a couple more months to go….

If you don’t mind I’d like to share some of my honest thoughts here on being pregnant thus far. I’m going to warn you that it may not be completely positive and that I may not have too many great things to say. So before I get into things I want to express how incredibly excited I am to have a little boy this April. My heart skips a beat just thinking about those first moments when our eyes will meet and I hear his little cry. I’ve been told this is a moment that cannot be describe, but one that is long awaited for 9 months. Despite my thoughts, I am in no way discounting the beauty and miracle of pregnancy. As someone who struggled a little bit, and knows many who are still struggling and may not be able to get pregnant, I don’t want to have any of my thoughts take away from the end blessing of this incredible journey.

But since about week 10 I must be honest that all I can think lately is, “Is this almost over?” I’m over it. Done. Want it to be finished. Quite frankly I don’t know how much more I can take as the past 6 months has been the ultimate challenge.

From very early on I experienced the famed morning sickness. However friends let me tell you that the whole “morning” part needs to be given another name. Maybe “all day” or “never-ending” would be a lot better. The porcelain goddess and I had not been such good friends since a rough night with Jack Daniels and my college football team. Let’s just say, in order to save you some graphic detail, that we’ve pretty much become best friends hanging out about 10 times a day. On average that is. Well from weeks 9 to about 21 that is. Since then our relationship has tapered off a bit to maybe one or two outings daily.

So I’ve been sick. Horribly sick. Projectile in a plastic bag after a romantic date night type of sick. Any time of the day. After any meal, well sometimes no meal at all. Ginger, lemon, medicine, small meals….the list can go on of tips…didn’t help. I kept waiting for week 12 to feel better, as most women do by then, then week 16 or even week 20. Nope. Nada. Hey week 24! It’s been so bad that I’ve had to go to the hospital twice, before Kate Middleton made it all famous. Where’s my paparazzi? I’m a princess in my house at least. But all the other symptoms of being sick can really go away too.

The constant nausea.

The daily headaches.

The insane lower back pain. (I’m talking I can hardly put on my shoes type)

It’s been fun. Real fun I tell ya. And I feel guilty for all of this. I feel guilty for sounding like I’m complaining. Until going through this I thought pregnancy was this beautiful, fun, romantic type of journey. Well maybe until 8 months or so. I thought my skin would be glowing, not green as I have been told my multiple people. Literally, true story. I thought I would look radiant and not have acne like a 13 year old. I never thought I would wake up to see such dark spots under my eyes. If anything, this pregnancy has, as I’ve told my husband, “taken my beauty.” Kinda silly but only way I can describe it. (Sidenote, he’s kicking right now and I absolutely love it)

When asked how I feel I try to be positive and upbeat, but sometimes I just want to cry and say “you really want to know?” We were at a party the other night and I kept answering “great” and “it’s been wonderful” to people because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for such a wonderful thing. Thank goodness hubs is right there to say “oh, she throws up all the time.” It’s romantically sweet. His favorite moment so far? We were walking the dogs right where he asked me to marry him and we started talking about how fun that was….then, well, right at the spot, projectile. Talk about ruining a moment huh?

So we’ve made it to 6 months. Sometimes I don’t know how and I worry about the final stages. I mean seriously the boobs I don’t think can get any bigger. Want to talk about leaking or is that too much information? Maybe I’ll save that for another day. Remember I am a gyno’s daughter so there is often no filter which I am learning can create some awkward situations. I’m praying the sickness continues to fade, the back pain subsides and I can start to feel slightly normal again. How am I supposed to sleep and prep for sleepless nights when he comes? Just know if you’re sick out there, not loving your pregnancy and ready to be done that I am right there with you. I think it’s ok to be honest with yourself and not feel bad. My mom had four kids, wasn’t sick a day and couldn’t be more understanding and wonderful throughout this process. People won’t judge. Your friends will still love you if you become a hermit. (thank you all!!) Don’t let this be a stress. Be honest.

This whole honesty thing is kind of liberating. Maybe I’ll bring up some breastfeeding and epidural conversations. Those seem to be the hot topics around town!

My countdown has begun until he arrives. Yes, of course because I want to be done but deep down because I cannot wait to hold him.

Rock him.

Fall asleep with him in my arms.

See the way he looks at his father.

Melt at the first smile.

Cause really in the end, that is what makes it all worth it.