Dear Riley Bean,
First, the name Bean. I feel like I’ve documented this before but just in case let’s review. When I was pregnant with you, you were nonstop in my stomach. Always moving. So I called you my little jumping bean. Since then, that’s your nickname and the fact Carter calls you it is just the sweetest ever. Recently we added gordita to the end because you have the most delicious thighs ever. Bean Gordita. It’s perfect.
The other night I was out with a girlfriend and she first asked me how I was doing with you turning one. Truthfully, I’m kind of an emotional mess. Since you’ve been in our lives it’s been pretty crazy especially on the work front as I took on a lot right around the same time. I honestly feel like it was a blur and I was just holding you in my arms for the first time. With that, I feel the mom guilt with you is so easy and I’m sure it grows with a second. We didn’t do My Gym, didn’t do a baby and me, didn’t get our daily nap time…the list goes on. I feel this pang of sadness knowing your our last baby and I just want to stop time so I can truly savor every second of you. But know just because we didn’t do it doesn’t mean I love you any less!
With that, came the next question she had, which was how has it been with you the past year. To be honest, and my eyes will start to water again, I replied that I don’t know if I deserved you. I really don’t. I was terrified to have another child, yet even more so when I found out a girl. A girl? What am I going to do? (We’ll have a good laugh over some stories when you get older…definitely with a cocktail in hand!) But you Bean, you’ve taken me off guard in a way that I never expected. You completed me. You completed our family. You are right where you belong. As a second child you have been more than I could ever ask for. The happiness that exudes from you is infectious, even at 6am when I’m not a morning person. You are filled with so much love and have been the biggest breath of fresh air.
This past year you have helped me grow. You’ve taught me things about myself that I didn’t know. You’ve shown me a deeper love I was so afraid could ever exist. You Bean, you are my everything.
It’s bitter sweet as you turn one and I watch you go from my little baby into a toddler. You’re literally chasing your brother now and can tackle him pretty quickly. My money is on you girl! You’re saying a few words- Mama, Dada, Dog Dog, Hi, Baba. You know, the usual. You have the world’s best laugh and smile. My goodness it warms my heart. You’re obsessed with all things water like your bath and going in the pool. Girl, you can eat. It’s impressive! Your dogs make you squeal with excitement. You love the boys in your life–Carter and dad– and one day you will understand how much they love you. Carter loves to tickle you and I catch him giving you forehead kisses when no one is looking. He also pushes you when you take his toy when he thinks no one is looking. You have your dad wrapped around your finger. (We will be working together on this one) And I’m happy to say you are a mommy’s girl. If I’m in the room we are glued and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m so looking forward to the next year of milestones and firsts, particularly when you start talking. We’re so anxious to hear what your sweet little voice sounds like. You have some super cute outfits for spring and summer I can’t wait to see you in. Oh and you’re starting swim lessons so obviously I’m going to have fun getting you the cutest swimsuits ever. We’re going to have fun exploring the farm, going to the beach and making some many beautiful memories now that you’re here with us.
Words will never be able to express what you mean to me and how much I love you.
So, my little Bean, Happy 1st Birthday.
Love you to the moon and back.