Pregnancy: Shiz They Don’t Tell Ya

Apr 3rd

Ok, let’s talk shall we? As I’m in the final countdown (3 weeks out….WTF!?), I’m starting to look back on the past 9 months and what a crazy, unbelievable and truly amaing experience it has been. If you’ve followed along the journey (first THANK YOU), you’ll know that I honestly have not been the biggest fan of being pregnant. I don’t think that everyone is cut out to have this glowing, wonderful and perfect pregnancy. Despite that I wouldn’t have changed this experience for anything. To be able to carry and bring a child into this world is something I am so beyond grateful and fortunate to have experienced. But time to talk for real….

34 weeks

Prior to going into pregnancy I had only had a couple friends really talk to me about what goes on. And oh my friends, there’s lots that can go on. I spent the first couple weeks reading every book, blog and article I could find on what would be happening to my body during the next couple months. Sometimes I would think “ya right” or “that won’t happen to me”, but well like I told my husband the other night, I think I got every symptom that was possible. So, it’s girl chat time and I’m going to shoot straight with ya on what you can possibly experience. Note, that for one I am a gyno’s daughter so no filter is my speciality. Also, I am not a doctor and have no real medical advice/opinion…this is a personal account. And finally, know that if you are pregnant and reading this that you are not alone. It’s OK to talk about things. It’s OK to not like what is happening to you. It’s OK to feel like you don’t want to be pregnant. I find it hard to often express true feelings as people may judge you for being selfish, but deep down pregnancy is a beautiful gift and I couldn’t be more excited to meet my son….however, I just have not been a fan of the journey. No shame in that.

So here are some of my thoughts. Please, by all means share some of yours!

The Shiz They Don’t Tell Ya

1) Big Boobs- So we’ve all heard that your boobs get bigger in pregnancy, but I never knew it would happen so fast. Within the first couple weeks of being pregnant it was like “Hello!” They hurt, they’re huge and they don’t stop growing. I mean, I went to get a new bra a couple weeks ago and I measured a 36-G….what is that? Is that normal? Best part is I hear they only get bigger. And your poor husband….they are a no play zone due to tenderness.

2) Leaking Boobs- While on the topic of boobs let’s talk about how they leak. Yep, leak. Around 23 weeks my lil bro, husband and I were hanging out when hubs taps me on the shoulder and points to a large wet spot coming through my grey sweatshirt. Since then these suckers randomly leak making for some awkward moments. A plus is at least I’ve gotten used to breast pads. Though a fun tip! Use swim suit liners so you can reuse…great tip from a friend.

3) Nausea- You’ve heard how sick I was right? Didn’t stop throwing up until 29 weeks and had to be hospitalized a couple times due to hydration issues. This is a far cry from the morning sickness I thought would end at the start of the second trimester. Some people just get it bad. It’s horrible. Nonstop. Relentless. Uncomfortable. The list can go on, but I will say that “nothing lasts forever.” Just beware it may continue after the standard 12 weeks.

4) Headaches- Where did these come from? I have never been one to have headaches but the nightly ritual of these bad boys have been an unwelcomed lullaby. I could do without. Maybe I got them from being dehydrated or maybe they’re a perk of pregnancy but whatever the reason they honestly suck. It’s like you’re experiencing a really bad hangover without the perks of having a delicious cocktail. No fair.

5) Leg Cramps- Did you get these? There have been numerous nights I yelp and wake up husband due to these. My calf completely tightens and I feel like I am going to explode in pain. I tried eating more potassium, calcium…any other “um” you can think of but nothing seems to help. Even nightly stretching or extra water. Just a fun perk of the process I guess.

6) Discharge- Yep, we’re getting personal and gross here. Get ready for stuff to come out of ya that you didn’t know what possible. According to numerous articles “it’s your body preparing you for birth”. Ya, I could do without it. It’s weird, uncomfortable and I think there’s something wrong with me. Totally normal…you’re not alone!

7) Sex Drive- To all those women out there that claim to have an increased sex drive….$($&# You! I can’t tell you how many times I have read about this and feel more and more like a failure as a wife when I don’t fall into that category. Being sexy while in the midst of a growing body and feeling sick 24/7 was not my ideal recipe for a turn on. But hey, power to ya if it’s an extra exciting time for you.

8) Heartburn- One night I literally thought I was having a heart attack. I was sweating, couldn’t breathe and ending up going into the emergency room at 11pm. Three hours, an EKG and blood testing later….heart burn. Cure? Tums and milk. Talk about embarrassing. This started in the end of the second trimester for me and proves to be quite uncomfortable. Tums and milk will become your best friend. No trying to deny it.

9) Tape Worm- Why am I always hungry? I swear there is a tape worm living in my stomach! (though technically according to my dad if you had a tape worm you would actually eat less…geez so picky isn’t he on specifics?) I will eat and within 10 minutes I can be hungry again. It’s the weirdest feeling ever and makes you channel yourself as a secret fat kid. I quickly learned to always have some fruit or veggies around so when stuffing my face every half hour it wouldn’t be with junk all the time. More eating thoughts HERE.

10) Night Sweats- Let’s talk about how many nights I went to sleep fully clothed and somehow just woke up in boxers in a pool of sweat. Sexy right? I tend to be someone who is always cold and haven’t had too many issues with being constantly hot during pregnancy. However, some magical switch goes on at night and I am a disco inferno minus the disco. Apparently this is normal, so don’t worry about it!

11) Bone Pain- I honestly don’t know how else to describe this one other than vagina pain. Yep, that’s my technical term. There’s a pinching pain that feels like someone took a knife and stabbed it in my public bone. I learned that waddling really does happen but not because of weight gain but due to this pain. There seems to be little to get rid of it though yoga helps. Unfortunately this pain also brings some back pain which just makes it the most uncomfortable duo to deal with. My doctor explained that it’s the pelvis expanding. Well, holy expansion it hurts!

12) Insomnia- I feel like I never get a deep sleep anymore. Between this child kicking and having drum circle parties in my belly, back pain, night sweats and then my OCD thinking of everything from what bottles to use to what preschool he will go to, I find the nights to be a little rough. In a weird way I think this is a positive because it’s prepping me for when he comes and I really won’t be getting any sleep. For me I’ve found a cup of tea and reading seem to help a little bit prior to bed.

13) Always Growing- I’ve learned the past couple months that your body expands in ways and places you didn’t know were possible. By now I could probably star in Shakira’s “My Hips Don’t Lie” video. And I’ve got a booty! I mean where did all this come from? I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t like it. Some people embrace the growing body and enjoy it, but I’ve found that I really struggle with it. When you’re not used to seeing yourself that way it can be hard. Again I just go back to the motto that “nothing lasts forever.”

14) Stretch Marks- They came. They conquered. They’re horrible. I made it to 8 months without having any then I woke up one day and my hips and belly had some red marks. Let me tell you though they are inevitable. I’ve used creams, butters and lotions religiously since the day I found out I was pregnant but unfortunately they are also genetic. Nothing I can do about it. Luckily, they’re not as bad as I guess they can be and I will call them my battle wounds.Hopefully they’ll go away which I hear is possible! I’ll be looking into laser removal for sure as I am young and want to be able to get back in a swimsuit.


Well for now that’s all I can think of but I am sure there will be more fun tidbits to warn you about after birth. Oh geez, we haven’t even gotten to the birth yet. One word for me going in….EPIDURAL. Extra strength please!