The Drunken Bastard

Jun 3rd

The Drunken Bastard

So the other week Ryan and I made a big discovery when we were hanging with our newly turned 2 year-old. He was running uncontrollably, talking a mile a minute, bouncing into walls and had just peed on himself. Weirdly in that instant, we both were reminded of some pre-children trips that may or may not have involved one too many Patron shots.

And that’s when we figured out how to explain these so called “Terrible Twos”. (which side note, only come out every so often…so far) You know that friend that’s had a wee too much to drink and just turns into a hot mess? Well, that’s pretty much how Carter is sometimes so I’ve decided to list the similarities.

  • They mumble their words and you can’t understand what they’re saying
  • They drool (whether teething or Fireball, one of them gets ya)
  • They run into walls and have no concept of peripherals
  • They cannot be controlled and flail all over
  • They have no volume control and can go from 0-60 is a quick second (awkward bar moments here…)
  • They eat everything in sight
  • They pee and poop on themselves (ok, I’ll let this one slide for the toddler)
  • They have a one track mind and want what they want (more Mickey or greasy food…depends who you’re dealing with)
  • They throw tantrums
  • They find everything funny (you’re getting some good flashes of Vegas trips right? or maybe you’re cringing when you last went to Target where running down the aisles and hiding was “the funniest game ever”)
  • They have no problem laying on dirty floors to “rest” (multiple pictures like the one above of this)
  • They turn into quickly into complete cuddles needing endless affection

Despite all they do to drive you crazy it’s hard not to love this friend. Am I right?