You’re band aids have monkeys on them.
You feel like your purse is so empty when you go out without child.
You might actually enjoy their music cd. Just kidding, never.
Your water is pretty much always your child’s backwash.
Your workout is carrying your 30 pound child.
Your workout is chasing your child.
Your workout is cleaning up after your child.
You don’t need to go to gym. (See above)
You have a minor heart attack when your kid farts in the bath as you wait to see if it’s something more.
You know way too much about the different kinds of trucks.
You feel going to the store without your child is basically a vacation.
You stop everything when they fall asleep in your arms.
You realize they can get away with anything as long as they use their cheesy smile.
You’ve gotten your first grey hairs.
You wear workout clothes to make people think you actually workout.
You’re exhausted yet they manage to be the best parts of your day.